Thinking About Happiness
Musing on joy.
I’m currently working on my sixth novel (but the fourth that will be published). It’s contemporary, with a foot in the magical, mythological side, a lot less food, but still partially set in Italy. But most of all, it's a book about happiness.
Why happiness? Because so many of us are desperate for it, including me. We're in the fifth year of the global pandemic, which has wreaked so much havoc with the world on many levels, health of course, but also economic problems (supply chain, inflation, employment, etc.). Now, most of the world is on the edge of their seats, watching wars between Hamas and Israel, Russia and Ukraine, watching with horror as war crime after war crime is committed and tens of thousands of children are dying left and right. U.S. politics are a genuine nightmare. Every time you turn around in the U.S., people are dead in another mass shooting. The internet is a cesspool of awfulness in ways it wasn’t in the past. Younger people are getting cancer at higher rates than ever. The world is in a state of climate emergency (which may harbor one sign of the apocalypse, locusts), and yet we can’t manage to work together to act. Sometimes, it might be hard to even think of happiness when there are so many people truly suffering. And often, these people suffering are people we know. People we love.
It’s not just your imagination that the world feels so blah. According to the Gallup Global Happiness Center, collectively, people feel more negative. We hit peak negativity in 2022, and in 2023, we were pretty stagnant at the same levels.
As part of my research (and perhaps my own self-help), I've been reading about what makes us happy. One of the first books I picked up was Joyful, by Ingrid Fetell Lee.
In Joyful, she describes a myriad of fascinating ways that humans are moved by small things, like the color of a wall in a room, fuzzy slippers, or the curl of a warm cat next to you on the couch.
I have thought a lot about this book because joy ("an intense, momentary experience of positive emotion") differs from happiness. Fetell Lee not only describes that in this TED talk, but she shows you too.
Fortunately, I’m someone who loves color. The main colors in my house are bold reds punctuated by pops of other bright colors. We have contemporary art (Shepard Fairey is a fave) all over the walls, often mixed with a mélange of ancient maps or music posters.
A few years back, I even dyed the underside of my hair red, a bright contrast to the blonde. It peeked out "like a phoenix rising from the flames," a woman told me (joyfully!) when I was dining out.
I definitely do not live in a Restoration Hardware or Pottery Barn world of muted grays and earth tones. My car stands out on the highway from the blacks, whites, grays, and muted other colors. My laptop is covered in stickers of things and places that make me happy. I wear wild-colored coats, including one faux fur coat that’s a riot of pink, white, and brown splotches, which my husband calls my "Muppet coat.” I love color, and the more of it, the better.
As I age, I do worry less. I have much more of a "fuck-it" attitude than I did when I was in my youth. Plus, all these quirky loves of mine make people think I'm much younger than I actually am, and I am definitely ok with that. And in my day job I work for a company who hires predominantly younger people (I'm seriously 20+ years older than 93% of the company) so my love for wild things seems less of a jolt than it has when I've worked for more stodgy tech companies in the past.
I also worry less because I am starting to find that not only do these things give ME joy but that others find joy in some of these bold choices of mine. "I love your hair/electric blue leather jacket/glitter boots...I wish I were brave enough to wear something like that."
I always think to myself, why aren't you? What's stopping you? What would happen if you did?
I buy flowers when I want to. Now I admit that I love playing video games (when I used to be embarrassed because I was supposed to be a serious intellectual, a writer; shouldn't I be doing something else?). I am drawn to street art and strangeness. I am curious about the weird things on the menu. I am drawn to the color, the shape, and the uniqueness of a thing.
One of the things that Fetell Lee says in her book is that once she started noticing what types of things bring people joy, she started finding joy everywhere. I, too, have found this to be true. Like my profound appreciation for this cool wallpaper in the bathrooms at one of my favorite restaurants in Cambridge, The Lexington.
And the best part of all these moments of joy is that they add up. When you are looking for these little pops of joy, they help bring about a greater sense of happiness overall. At the end of my day, I always write down three things that brought me joy, and honestly, I can say those little moments of joy are sometimes tiny beacons of light in the darkness.
I'll leave you with one more thing that never fails to make me feel pure elation. Whenever I see the fur cup and spoon art, Object, by surrealist artist Meret Oppenheim, I feel incredible joy. I remember, as a child, being so curious and fascinated by the pictures of this piece that I saw in my Childcraft Encyclopedia. It seemed so strange, so wonderful, so impossible. When I first saw it in MoMA decades ago, I cried a little. Tears of happiness to finally see this thing of wonder, this art that brought me such pure and true joy that I never expected to see in person in my lifetime.
I even mention this cup and saucer in my forthcoming novel In The Garden of Monsters (which you can now pre-order…one of the best gifts you can ever give to an author, along with a review).
What brings you joy?
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What’s Bringing Me Joy This Week'
Some of you may know I have a day job working for a software company. They had their big sales and marketing kickoff here in Boston, and I had SO much joy seeing coworkers I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic and meeting all the people I’ve only known on Zoom. I love being a remote worker and wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I do love connecting up in realtime with all these wonderful people. There was so much hugging to be had.
This wonderful view of the Pantheon from above. Fun fact, they used to do tours up to look over the edge (note that railing in the picture), but after too many people died from getting sucked in, that stopped.
This weird old bit from the Carol Burnett show.
Let’s talk about the good stuff. If you love food and love Italy, and haven’t read THE CHEF’S SECRET or FEAST OF SORROW, click the links to learn where to buy your copy! 🍒🍗🍷
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Colors bring me joy, too. And contrasts in textiles for some strange reason. I especially love things like a linen skirt with a super frayed edge, or a leather coat with a fuzzy collar! And I’m a huge Shepherd Fairey fan too ❤️
A wonderful post-- and the fur dinnerware is fantastic! I was in the doctor's office today and it turns out that the doctor is quite a gifted nature photographer-- his pictures were cycling on the computer monitor. Looking at these amazing birds, fish, seals, etc. I was surprised by joy in the most unlikely of places. Also had to marvel at the fact that these strange creatures, who engage in the most daredevil activities and awkward contortions, NEVER need to go to the doctor.